


Suicide is Painless

by kellsbells



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Character Death, Gen, Graphic, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-22
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:20:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23263849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellsbells/pseuds/kellsbells
Summary: A much darker version of the post Crisis multiverse. And a much darker Lena. No happy ending, and check the tags carefully please.
Relationships: Alex Danvers and Kara Danvers, Lena Luthor and Kara Danvers
Comments: 10
Kudos: 34





	Suicide is Painless

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Argyle-s for looking this over and giving me suggestions that have made this a much better story. 
> 
> *Check the tags*

* * *

* * *

“I CAN’T LOSE ANYONE ELSE!”

“I don’t care,” was the venomous reply. “You did this yourself. You broke me. You took everything away from me. And now you get to feel the same.”

“I get to feel the _same_? Do you have any idea what just happened? Not only did I lose my home – which everyone did, and I know that - but I lost every one of my people. Again. I watched Argo City be erased from existence. I watched my world be destroyed for a second time. My mother died thousands of light years away, and this time I didn’t even get to say goodbye. Kal-El is dead. His son has no father. There isn’t a single other Kryptonian left, except maybe for Jon, and he’s only half-Kryptonian. I lost everyone for the second time. And you think you have a right to turn me away because I told you a lie that was to protect you at first, and then I got too scared of losing you to tell you? Because of how much you mean to me. You think those things compare?”

Kara was screaming now, tears running down her face, and she collapsed to her knees.

Lena paused. She was about to walk away, but Kara sounded like a wounded animal. An animal that couldn’t be helped. Like only a bullet to the head or a lethal injection could help.

“I’m sorry, Kara. But you did this to yourself. I don’t owe you a damn thing.” She hated herself even as she said it, but steeled herself. Kara didn’t deserve anything from her.

She made her feet move her forward, away from Kara. She heard a familiar click behind her. Before she could turn, before she could do anything, a shot rang out behind her.

She spun around and watched as Kara slowly collapsed from her knees, falling sideways and settling awkwardly, painfully. Painfully for someone who was alive, perhaps. But Kara was not. The gun was still held loosely in her right hand. She’d placed the gun in her mouth, the only way to do it right, Lex had once told Lena.

_“If you’re ever going to shame our family with your weakness, Lena, make sure you do it properly. Gun in your mouth. That way there’s no awkward pretending in a hospital, pretending that we care enough to keep machines switched on to keep you alive. Luthors aren’t weak, Lena, but if they are, they at least do it right.”_

He’d patted her shoulder, smiling brightly as if he hadn’t just said horrifying, terrible things to her. Her mind flashed to the news report where he killed Superman - Kal-El. She’d been in the room with Alex, J’onn, the rest of her former friends. Trying to find a solution for the Anti-Monitor’s plan. She’d heard Kara’s howl of pain. She’d forced herself to ignore it. And this? This was the result. She might have been the best of the Luthors, once. But now she was the worst of them. She’d killed the last Kryptonian with her cruelty, her indifference. Because Kara, who had loved her, who had protected her and saved her life countless times, who’d held her when she cried… Kara was dead, and it was because Lena couldn’t get over the hurt that Kara had caused her. It was all Lena’s fault, and she couldn’t take it back. 

She screamed and ran to Kara’s side. From the front, Kara looked normal. Except that her eyes were open and staring, and she wasn’t smiling. Her eyes were red-rimmed and bloodshot from her tears, from everything she’d lost. Her face was still wet with tears.

Lena touched Kara’s hair, hand trembling, and she sobbed as she felt the blood soaked into the strands. Kara’s body was beginning to cool from its usual unnaturally hot temperature, and it felt wrong. Lena heard her office door open, and she didn’t have to turn to know that it was Alex behind her.

“I knew she would do this. I knew she couldn’t live through this again. I knew it was just a matter of time. I’ve been following her around, waiting for her to go to her apartment or to Mom’s house in Midvale. I thought she would want to die somewhere she felt at home. I thought maybe she’d cut a vein with a piece of Kryptonite, bleed out slowly. Not this. Not a gun. She always hated guns. Hated that I used them.”

She paused for a minute, wiping away tears furiously.

“I guess I didn’t consider that… she just needed a push. And of course, when she gets that push, it’s from you.”

She paused again.

“I wanted to be here. I wanted to be there, so she wouldn’t die alone.” She stifled a sob.

Lena said nothing. She was hyperventilating, and her vision was beginning to blur. With tears, or lack of oxygen, she wasn’t sure.

“So what now?” Alex asked. Her voice was flat.

“I go back and fix this,” Lena said, taking deep, gasping breaths. “Back to before Lex told me about her. We can evacuate Argo so the people don’t die. That’s allowed, I believe. We save Superman. We save as many people as we can.”

“I’m going with you,” Alex said immediately. “Otherwise I’m going with her.”

Lena nodded, swallowing.

“After this is all over? After we fix this? I want you to lock me up. For good. After we’ve killed Lex and destroyed every particle of his body.”

“I’m going to leave it up to Kara. I’m going to tell her what happened, what you did. And she’ll get to decide.”

“No,” Lena said. “She’ll forgive me. She always does. Promise me you’ll do it.”

There was silence for a moment, then Alex spoke one word.

“Fine.”

Lena leaned forward, closing Kara’s eyes gently, leaving smudges of blood on her eyelids. She kissed Kara’s cold forehead.

“I never deserved you. I’m so sorry.” Her whisper was barely audible.

She stood, holding her hand out to Alex, who took it. She pressed a button on her transmat watch, which took them to the bridge of the Waverider, which was currently parked on the top of a Star Labs facility on this new Earth they’d all travelled to. The ship was deserted, the Legends on a beach somewhere on an empty island on the South Pacific. She didn’t blame them. After the things they’d seen – after what they’d all seen and lost – she was surprised they were even able to walk and talk.

She moved to the weapons locker and plugged a small device into the electronic lock. It sprung open, and she took out another wrist-device, handing it to Alex.

“This is a time watch. It can take you anywhere in time and space. You should control it. That way there’s no way for me to double-cross you,” Lena said quietly. She took off her transmat watch and handed that to Alex, too. “So you know I can’t escape any other way.”

Alex looked at her, eyes dead. “I don’t care what you do, Lena. I know I can’t punish you any more than you’re punishing yourself right now. But if you don’t fix this, if you make it so that I lose Kara for good – I will find some way to make you suffer.”

Lena sighed, head hanging.

Alex set the time and spatial co-ordinates for their time jump, and they stepped through the gate into L-Corp, the day before Lex’s death.

Lena prayed for the first time since she was four years old, and she and Alex sat down and waited in her office for her former self. She could fix this. She would fix this. And afterwards, she would be brought to justice the way she deserved.

FIN


End file.
